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Joke of the Day

"Hope I'm never tortured, because I just pulled a hangnail off my finger and now this entire restaurant knows my pin number."

"Stupid one liners everyone should know I'll start: I recently sold my vaccum. It was just collecting dust."

"I think that laziest animals must be the animals in the seas. There is Sawshark, Hammerheadshark, Electric eel. Still not a single one house completed."

"What kind of people are always in a damn hurry? Russians"

"Why did the 3 year old go to jail? For resisting a rest."

"A penis lives a sad life.. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, neighbor is an asshole, best friend is a pussy and owner beats him."

"[Poison Ivy's home] Voice from outside: YOU CONTROL PLANTS? WHAT KIND OF POWER IS THAT? Ivy: [thru window] Go home, Aquaman. You're drunk."

"how many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh TEN TICKLES AHAHAHHAHAHAHA this is my favorite joke"

"FACEBOOK A place where couples wish they were single and the singles wish they were couples."

"Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more..."