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Joke of the Day

"What does a 9-Volt battery and an asshole have in common? If you lick it, and nothing happens, you know its dead."

"What did the clerk say to the customer who tried to buy a candy bar with plastic quarters? This is non-cents!"

"And so, Jesus said unto Peter ""Come forth and win yourself eternal glory"" But Peter came fifth and won himself a toaster"

"Make a Fire Q: How do you make a fire with two sticks? A: Make sure one is a match!"

"If I were Brian Cranston every day I'd drive to Jiffy Lube & say ""I dunno it just seems to be braking bad!"" Then we would laugh & do meth."

"Scientists proved that cows don't give us meat and milk. We just take it from them!"

"I had a vasectomy today, and my wife keeps asking how I feel... I've had to tell her over and over that it's not that bad, and that I don't notice much of a vas deferens."

"What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? SINGLE"

"There is nothing funnier than yelling ""SHE'S STEALING MY BABY!"" at a mom having a hard time with her kid in public."

"Spell ""pound"" in two letters. Lb."