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Joke of the Day

"[pulls away from kissing] do you ever pretend nfl players with dreadlocks swinging around under their helmets are predators"

"My neighbor said ""nice skirt"" so I said, ""thanks, it helps me not blast Miley Cyrus at 6 in the morning, you should borrow it sometime."""

"What is the difference between Donald Trump's hair and a Headcrab? Nothing."

"A Jew, a Kurd and a Yazidi walk into a bar. It's not a bar, it's a chlorine gas chamber."

"What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to the other? I didn't know we lived on the same block."

"Opinions are like orgasms, mine matter most and I don't care if you have one."

"How do you keep redditors in suspense? I dunno, I'll tell ya tomorrow"

"What's the best thing to do with a thimble? Bang it with a drum-thtick!"

"How can you tell you are in a math teacher's garden? All the trees have square roots."

"VLUT = A Virgin that act's like a SLUT"