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Joke of the Day

"I always tell new hires, don't think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you."

"This rude guy asked my wife if she shaves her asshole..... And she said ""No, my husband shaves himself""."

"Did you guys hear about the homeopath who forgot to take his meds? He died of an overdose."

"What is the greatest intermolecular force of all time? Dipole, dipole, dipole, dipole, and dipole!"

"'I've been expecting you, Mr. Bond.' - James Bond's mother giving birth"

"My mother asked me to clean the dishes... ""Ah."" I replied, ""The reason you decided to have children; it's becoming apparent."" Also, ITT: God-tier puns."

"So I was walking down the street when..... Someone threw a block of cheese at me, so I turned and said, that's not very mature!"

"There are 70,000 Jehovah's Witnesses in Melbourne for a conference. So I'll be answering the door naked this weekend."

"Why do cannibals make suitcases out of peoples heads? Because they're headcases !"

"I've got the body of a twenty year old. It's in the trunk of my car."