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Joke of the Day

"These need to be written. Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes? A: A piiig. Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh? A: Santa Claus walking backwards."

"I admire the way that, even with millions of followers, celebrities on Twitter rarely succumb to the pressure to be funny."

"Why shouldn't you date a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them."

"Did you hear about the new Home for Paraplegic Women I hear the place is crawlin with broads"

"There are two rules for success: 1) Don't tell all you know."

"Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!"

"Avoid cars that have a sign saying 'baby on board'. That driver has only had a couple of hours sleep and is likely to be suicidal."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles. I'll see myself out."

"Either I just stepped in dog shit or the stench of my parent's disappointment has started following me around."

"What's the difference between a drum, a woman, and a blowjob? You can beat a drum. And you can beat a woman. But you can't beat a blowjob."