195516

Joke of the Day

"Barrack Obama won the Olympic Gold Medal Usain Bolt was running for President"

"What's the difference between a lobster and an oriental woman run over by a steamroller? One's a crustacean and the other a crushed Asian."

"I used to be addicted to soap... i am clean now"

"[terrible nursing home] Old guy: How did you end up here? Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster."

"My mom went to go buy a Christmas tree from the store The man behind the counter said ""are you going to put it up yourself?"" Mom says ""no thats terrible, im going to put it in the family room"""

"What do you call it when a story has a recurring train theme? A Loco Motif"

"Inspiring to see someone lift himself up by his own bootstraps. But soon you'll wonder what you're doing at a fucking magic show."

"The blonde and the calculator Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator? A: She couldn't find the 10 key."

"Just yelled ""out of my way monsters!"" at a flock of seagulls, so I'm done interacting socially for the day"

"I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger"