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Joke of the Day

"How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb? None. ""Change that bulb, bitch. Then make me a sandwich and bring me a cold beer."""

"What sentence is vastly shorter after you remove one word from it? Child porn"

"What was the first profession to go all digital? Proctology."

"I swear, the next person who pisses me off will find out very quickly that my threats are empty."

"I'm getting a little tired of these people coming to my door telling me I need to be ""saved"" or ""I'll burn""... Stupid firefighters."

"Q: How did the townsfolk find out the pigeons were plotting a revolution? A: They heard them in the town square saying, ""Coup, coup!"""

"The problem with political jokes is that they get elected."

"TIL you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy... for boarding the wrong vessel... just once Whoops, wrong *sub*."

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away... If you're a good enough thrower!"

"I'm told as a lady in my 30s I shouldn't wear certain things anymore - like halter tops, pigtails, and the scalps of my vanquished enemies."