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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between an epilectic oyster and a whore with diarrhea? One you shuck between fits."

"I wear dresses to work so it takes me less time to use the loo so people won't think I'm pooping. So yeah, I'd say I'm pretty professional."

"The problem with being an alcoholic time traveller is not being able to remember a single thing about tomorrow."

"A white guy and a black guy walk into a bar... The bartender says, ""your kind isn't welcome here."" They kick the nigger out, and everyone laughs, and has a drink of beer."

"For every dollar a man makes.... For every dollar a man makes, a women makes 70 cents. Thats not right Thats not fair The mans only left with 30! -Bo Burnham"

"I keep missing my ex-girlfriend. But my aim is getting better."

"Cheating at a limbo contest.... that's about as low as you can get!"

"Had to remove the seconds hand from my watch.. was really starting to tick me off"

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm a hoarder and then I think,""No. But I should probably keep these used band-aids just in case."""

"Mom: You should come camping with us! It's only $100! Me: You want me to pay $100 to sleep outside? Mom: Yeah. Me: I'm getting a new Mom."