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Joke of the Day

"Hey, is your name Paul Revere? Because I want to give you a midnight ride!"

"Women I sleep with get so weird when I ask them to sign the guestbook."

"A local establishment wants to press charges on me for getting an erection on their property. Luckily for me, they have no hard evidence."

"I like my presidents like I like my slaves Cautious and skeptical about ideas that start off with ""I ran"""

"10YO: [on her ipad] beat my high score! ME: y'know they're just numbers on a screen right? they don't mean anything [checks follower count]"

"I'm a journalist. My paper asked if I would write an article about bukkake I said ""I've got it covered""..."

"Just remember... you're unique... Just like everybody else."

"There's a fine line Between a numerator and a denominator."

"How are wives like cholesterol? If you ignore them for too long they'll probably end up killing you"

"The signature dish of a restaurant called the Twisted Rooster: Mobius Chicken Strips."