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Joke of the Day

"Hey guys, don't you just hate it when you're woken up in the middle of the night for sex? can't wait to get out of prison."

"How did you find the weather at camp? It was easy. I just went outside - and there it was!"

"'I am your God, and now it is night!' I say as I turn the fish tank light off."

"""What're you in for?"" ""I had a solid tweet *takes drag off cigarette* and no one faved it. I just lost it."" ""We've all been there, brother."""

"Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out."

"Do you remember the name of the Italian/Vietnamese restaurant we went to? Yeah! It was great, how could I ""Pho-get-abouttit"""

"Whats the V in DVD stand for? Cuz if it were lying down it wouldnt make any sense. (first post to reddit, made up this joke today .. be kind)"

"You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls."

"Asterisks are awesome. *tosses a midget dressed in sexy maid outfit off the Eiffel Tower with parachute made of pancakes*"

"9/11 jokes are just... Plane wrong."