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Joke of the Day

"I just got a text from a number I don't recognize saying, 'You're an embarrassment of a son'. I've narrowed it down to 2 people."

"Why can't Helen Keller drive? ...Because she's dead."

"Every time I think my posts suck ... I just go read everyone else's and then I feel much better."

"[in hip-hop voice] uh"

"[hears a dog in the distance barking in the middle of the night] Yeah I'd love to be friends."

"When I die I'd like to be cremated I think I've urned it."

"Are you on Facebook ? Cos I sure would like to Poke You"

"If realigion isn't real then why does it have the word ""real"" in it?"

"Why does Marx support New Years Eve celebrations? Well, it's got everyone out and about, celebrating another revolution..... (I'll show myself out)"

"I think you scientists did a great job of making old people's d-i-c-k-s hard. How 'bout you guys take a look at cancer and stuff now."