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Joke of the Day

"What did the pink panther have all over his house after he fumigated for insects? dead ants... dead ants... dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead aaaaantsss"

"What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Damn."

"Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?"

"A pickup line for people named Matt. ""Hey girl, you should sleep with me, my name's short for mattress."" (Just made it up today, please don't hate me.)"

"Jared and zits What's the difference between Jared and Acne? Acne doesn't come on a kids face until there a teenager!"

"Me:She's better than me. BF:She's not. M:Look at those, they're incredible! BF: M:STOP STARING! -Boyfriend reading other women's tweets"

"Been backed up for days, but finally took a huge shit... it was quite a load off my mind."

"What's the difference between handguns and feminists? A handgun only has one trigger."

"If anything is used to its full potential, it will break."

"What do you call a stock broker having sex in the middle of his work? Insid'er trading. http://i.imgur.com/oTp4lvG.gif"