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Joke of the Day

"I don't eat animals because I object to how poorly they are treated and raised. Which is why I eat well-loved children."

"Elf cop:""We got a robbery in progress on Candy Cane lane. Hit the light Rudolf! *Rudolf sticks nose through sunroof*"

"I can see 4 years into the future 20/20 Vision"

"(NSFW) What is the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich. I Don't fuck my sandwich before I eat it."

"Obama The Dark Knight (2008) The Dark Knight Rises (2012) Congratulations, Barack Obama."

"Joseph: no rooms? Dude she's about to give birth to humanity's savior Innkeeper: sorry busy around Christmas time J: wtf around what time"

"Q: How many bears would Bear Grylls grill, if Bear Grylls could grill bears? A: As many bears as Bear Grylls' grill can bear."

"There's a butterfly in my office and a nerf gun in my purse. Susan, clear my schedule."

"Why did the pigeon hate the crow? because he was in the coo klux klan"

"Why Marriage is Difficult Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings ... and lawyers."