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Joke of the Day

"brought a knife onto a flight just so the security agents would tackle me because sometimes it's just nice to be held."

"The ocean is full of sharks, jellyfish, man-eating octopus, and nightmare whales, but make sure you wait a half-hour after eating to go in."

"If it was Pink Floyds way... They would have all of us shot!"

"I love when people misuse the word ""literally"". It literally makes me fart rainbows."

"Lovers joke When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"What do you call the death of the Trilobites? An Epoch fail!"

"I got stopped outside the pharmacy today, by a woman holding a clipboard. ""What products do you use for grooming?"" she asked me. Her face looked quite taken aback when I said, ""Facebook"""

"What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? Both have balls that are just for decoration"

"Not to sound like a total jock but who won baseball this month?"

"There is nothing worse than watching the new guy at Subway make your sandwich."