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Joke of the Day

"I wish there was a way to keep in touch with dogs I meet outside of grocery stores."

"MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you not to eat with your fingers? Use the spade like everyone else."

"Having a wife is like a grenade You pull the ring off, and your house is gone."

"Past employers have described me as ""selfish, egotistic, condescending, the physical manifestation of capitalism, and a true sweetheart."""

"I don't know why people get so upset about the death penalty It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, after all."

"Did you know rabbi's perform circumcisions for free? But they'll gladly take any tips."

"My electric toothbrush broke so now I have to use my acoustic one"

"How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass? Surprisingly pleasing."

"Sometimes I wonder how people who don't have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room."

"I got caught making out with my cousin once - mum and dad went mental. In my defence we were just kids, and there was an awful lot of alcohol at her funeral."