194624

Joke of the Day

"What happened when Billy Mays's ghost floated into the rave? Everyone started partying like it was $19.99."

"TIFU by firing a torpedo at an ally submarine Whoops, wrong sub."

"Welcome to Cupcake Yoga! NomNomaste."

"You should've seen my bad spelling. That shit was [sic]."

"What do bullets and I have in common? We don't miss Harambe."

"5 years ago I asked a girl if she wanted to go on a date. Yesterday I asked her if she would marry me. She said no both times, though."

"Son: Mom, dad, I'm gay. Mom: *gasp* Dad: *clenches fists* Mom: Honey, stop! Dad: *steps forward* Mom: N- Dad: HI GAY, I'M DAD."

"I personally don't believe in bros before hoes or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis."

"I like my women like I like my cars Black, loud, heavy, and full of gas."

"[police lineup] VICTIM: That's him! The dopey fat guy in the middle. COP: We haven't started yet. That's your own reflection in the glass."