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Joke of the Day

"""The Godfather"" teaches us that: 1. Nothing is more important than family and 2. Our families are always trying to kill us."

"""It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman!"" ""Nope."" ""A spider? An aardvark?"" ""Wrong. It's a horse."" ""Wow. You can't draw for shit."""

"Everything anew I went home yesterday to find all my furniture replaced.I asked my roommate ""What the hell"" and he replied ""Who are you""."

"The link in the text.... Stolen Bull semen. http://sacramento.cbslocal.com/2016/01/22/nearly-50000-in-bull-semen-stolen-from-turlock-truck/"

"Come forth... God: John,come forth and you shall receive eternal life! But john came third and won a toaster."

"I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs. I'll call it Downtown"

"Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books."

"Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on."

"One I made up..... What do you call a cross between a dog and a turtle? A cross. The animals around it have no effect on its name duh."

"Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone."