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Joke of the Day

"I thought of you last night while I was doing the dishes. Dirty right? Yep. That's right. Dishes were totally filthy."

"My wife accused me of fogging up our bathroom mirror But I really can't see myself doing that."

"Facebook needs a ""settle down"" button you tap on a friend's profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately."

"yeah i like going to the gym. if by gym you mean beer and Netflix. 20 billion RTs 1 trillion favs, rted by the official white house twitter"

"A butterfly just landed on the tip of my cigarette & exploded. What in the hell do they put in butterflys?"

"I was sad when I learned Steve Irwin died... .. but at least he died the same way he lived: with animals in his heart."

"A man walks up to an attractive lady... A man walks up to an attractive lady and explains, ""They say that 160,000 people are having sex right now. Want to make that 160,002?"""

"Funny Joke **Want to hear a dirty joke** > A boy fell in the mud **Want to hear a clean joke** > He took a bath"

"What do men and hardwood flooring have in common? Lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them the rest of your life!"

"I just ate lunch at a restaurant that calls french fries, 'Freedom Fries.' Thats just fucking stupid, pardon my freedom."