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Joke of the Day

"The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch."

"Why go to college? There's Google."

"For Christmas, I gave my wife a t-shirt and a dildo. I told her if she didn't like the shirt she could go fuck herself."

"""Give it to me,"" my girlfriend yelled. ""I'm so fucking wet, give it to me now!"" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella"

"Microsoft Office Stolen Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay. You have my Word"

"Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night."

"What did the former governor of California say after he helped the old lady cross the street? I'm Arnold to assist you."

"What do you call a homosexual, Russian, knight? Sir Gay (Serge)"

"How many cops does it take the screw in a lightbulb? The same number it takes to screw public confidence in law enforcement"

"Someone broke into the local police station and stole the toilet. Right now the cops have nothing to go on."