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Joke of the Day

"Ate a whole box of donuts. But I ate them *really* fast so hopefully that counts as a workout and balances out the calories."

"UGH, I was planning this big romantic dinner for two and then my wife called to say she'd be home."

"If you would have told me 20 years ago that I'd be posting stupid jokes on the internet, I would have said what's an internet."

"I like my women the way I like my coffee. Yup, I like blonde slutty coffee with low self esteem."

"Why do North Korean statesmen make for bad lovers? Because they won't hold a public erection."

"When people are trending on twitter, I know that they died or said something racist."

"What do you call a nosy pepper? Jalapeno Business! (say with sass)"

"What do dwarfs and midgets have in common? Very little."

"What I say: I'm on a diet. What my mom hears: please cook delicious food and buy chocolate."

"What do you think goes through a spiders mind when you hit it with a hammer? His ass."