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Joke of the Day

"Whats the number one cause of paedofilla? Sexy kids."

"Why did Sarah name her pet Fawn 99 Cents? Because it wasn't big enough to be a Buck."

"What happens when you steal englishmens tea Elizabet II merges together with James Bond and Mr. Bean and creates an apocalypse machine."

"The teacher asked Jimmy ""Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"" Jimmy replied crying, ""Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"""

"Kissing 101: 1. Open your mouth 2. Wider, that's it. 3. Stick out your tongue 4. Then walk towards her and pray she doesn't run away."

"*walks into son's room to find a recording of him snoring* Dear God *dials 911* Help, a wizard turned my son into a 90's cassette player"

"You can read his mind in his face. Yes it's usually a complete blank."

"I was having a hard time remembering my PIN on my debit card.... So I changed it to 0911. That way I never forget."

"My wife and i were happy for 20 years. Then we met."

"How do you make a plumber cry? Murder his family"