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Joke of the Day

"""Don't worry, I'll hold your stuff. You just worry about making friends."" - Cargo Pants"

"If the wife uses dual sim phone, save both numbers under one name : ""Wife"" Never save them as ""Wife1"" and ""Wife2"" ~ A husband from hospital"

"Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I'm sobering up."

"Why did the old man throw the matress out the window? Dementia"

"What did woody and buzz say to your mom? ""Strange to see your toys have the same name as us."""

"Why Yao-Ming tries to catch Pikachu? He's from Team Rocket"

"Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic? He needed to change attire. (I'm probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone's almost definitely done it before.)"

"{Prison Diary Day 7} Nobody is respecting the Swear Jar"

"[looks up from laptop while updating resume] son, you're good with computers ""I'm alright"" how do I find pictures of mean looking dinosaurs?"

"""Hey can you take our picture?"" ME: yea sure *takes picture* ME: wait sorry, The Flash was turned on THE FLASH: *blushing in the background*"