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Joke of the Day
"The next person to make a gay joke is going to get their ass pounded"
Next Joke
"I complimented someone for their amazing mustache. I don't understand why she threw a fit though."
"I'm an atheist with a god-complex... ...which explains why all my highschool teachers always said I never believed in myself."
"borrow money from a pessimist Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."
"Shout-out to people just out of earshot."
"What do you call someone who barely graduated from med school? Doctor."
"Spider Can, Spider Can, bunch of spiders in a can. Shake it up, spiders mad, open it, they bite your hand. Look out! I have a spider can"
"Why did Sean Connery say he quit his mall Santa job? I got tired of all the kids asking to shit on my lap."
"[Shopping with teen son] *sees hot girl* *waits until she gets close* *grabs box of adult diapers* ""How are you doing on Depends bud?"""
"I like my coffee like I like my slaves... *Free*."