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Joke of the Day

"Off to work... A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, You should've been here at 8.30!' He replies. Why? What happened at 8.30?'"

"Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President."

"""Keep away from children to avoid suffocation"" was the best advice I've ever received. You have to pay for that nowadays"

"I dropped food on the floor and my dog got excited but it was just tomato. I catfished my dog"

"Can't release my sex tape because an animal was harmed during filming :("

"Nickelback jokes are the Nickelback of jokes."

"What separates the men from the boys is knowing that women love it when they show off their big throbbing manners and intelligence."

"Volkswagen CEO Martin Winterkorn has gotten off pretty lucky... The last German who tried to gas that many people had to commit suicide!"

"My top 5 (in no particular order) 1. 3 2. 5 3. 2 4. 4 5. 1"

"Everybody says Australians are rednecks learn already... **...it's actually from latin word Australis which means Southern...** *Oops*"