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Joke of the Day

"I got told at church last Sunday that I should love my neighbour as I love myself. He wasn't very happy when I tried to wank him off."

"Me: Can I leave early? Boss: Why? Me: Death Boss: Who died? Me: No one yet Boss: Me: Boss: Get out"

"Roses are red violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one does not."

"please stop yelling. I put the cucumber slices on your baby's eyes because they looked puffy."

"What's white, digs holes in your garden and helps with headaches? A paracetamole!"

"Anne Boleyn: My love, I wait for but one word from you Henry VIII: New phone who dis Anne: Your wife Henry VIII: Lol which one"

"Interestingly, if we invade North Korea because it caused us to miss a movie, that still won't be the worst reason we ever went to war."

"What is the number 1 pickup line at a gay bar? May I push your stool in?"

"Boredom is the leading cause of pregnancy. Unless you're on Twitter 24/7. Then it becomes the leading form of birth control."

"(Writing in food journal) me: for lunch I had sa......... trainer: (interrupting) salad. awesome. me: sake."