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Joke of the Day
"Your shirt is a little small. No, I am to big."
Next Joke
"WIFE: don't be weird at the party tonight ME: am i ever weird? [dinner party] CHERYL: how's the soup taste? ME: like the blood of my enemies"
"Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet."
"I'm more comfortable hearing my five-year-old repeat swear words in public than I am hearing him say ""uh-oh!"" from another room."
"a seemingly perfect utopia immediatley becoms a dystopia when u find out evryone refers to eachother by watever their first email adress was"
"The wife My wife has left me because she says I treat her like one of my pets... She'll be back when she's hungry."
"The rose petal scene from American Beauty, but just me naked and covered in candy wrappers."
"Have you ever noticed how funny observational humor is?"
"Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own? It was two-tired"
"My ten year-old daughter is learning Chinese characters in school, so she can pick out a really good lower-back tattoo when she gets older"