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Joke of the Day

"LPT: If your girl ever asks you which of her friends you want to have a three-way with, DO NOT GIVE HER TWO NAMES!"

"Whats the difference between boobs and batteries? If they're AA, at least batteries have something positive"

"What is the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? The Jews go up the chimney."

"Pregnant Eskimo What did the eskimo say when her water broke? Oh no, my ice cracked!"

"How did the massage therapist lose all of his customers? He rubbed them all the wrong way"

"Did you hear about the geometry teacher who tried to take a selfie? It was a protracted process but eventually he found the right angle."

"ME: My name is Nigel and I'm an alcoholic. AA GROUP: Hi Nigel. *cut to confessional camera* ME: I'm here to WIN, not to make friends."

"[creating humans] God: They will have a powerful immune system Assistant: Boring God: ok some will die from eating a peanut A: Nice, nice"

"Math, I'm not a therapist... ...Solve your own problems."

"Maybe I'm like Spider-Man except I got bit by a radioactive sloth."