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Joke of the Day

"I made a line of soda called Bad Wifi It's not doing so well, everyone keeps saying it isn't refreshing."

"An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over. Yep, she needs a walker"

"If Hillary Clinton and Donald Drumpf are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? America."

"What does a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common? Either way, someone is losing a trailer."

"How does a Tyrannosaurus Rex scratch it's junk? It squats down on a Triceratops."

"Waiter: how would you like your steak? Me: rare [later] Waiter: *brings steak with a 1st edition Charizard on it* Me: *tearing up* perfect"

"What do a teenage girl and her baby have in common? They're both thinking, ""Oh shit! My mom's gonna kill me."""

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art not as nice as this time last year."

"Waitress: 'Do u have any questions about the menu?' Me: 'What kind of font is this?'"

"I really didn't like dick at first... Then it grew on me."