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Joke of the Day

"Waitress: 'Do u have any questions about the menu?' Me: 'What kind of font is this?'"

"I just saw an 8 year old hipster. Your move, apocalypse."

"Who decided that a clown popping suddenly out of a metal box would be a good toy for young children?"

"They say revolution breeds revolution. Resistance is fertile."

"I always wanted to be self-confident. Well, look at me now. Actually, don't."

"[Kitchen] Me: I'm a were-state. When the moon is full I turn into a US state. Wife: No you don't the moon is full now. Me: *Illinois noises*"

"I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I'm still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it."

"[at divorce lawyer] bad news, currently all your husbands assets are frozen ""he didn't"" he bought 1547 copies of it, he must really hate you"

"saw license plate GODLSNS and am not sure whether it's God Listens or Godlessness. doin devil horns anyway"

"So let me get this straight: Trump supporters are butt hurt because someone overgeneralized them and called them a mean name? Oh, the irony."