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Joke of the Day

"Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9 and go straight to 10? Because seven ""ate"" nine."

"Best part of cleaning the apartment is putting new magazines on the coffee table so you can look cultured for the guests you don't have over"

"[at the shooting range] Recruit: Sir, I missed every target. Officer: Perfect. *makes him a stormtrooper*"

"Just Friends is my favorite movie that shows fat guys how to get out of the friendzone through perseverance and becoming Ryan Reynolds."

"Most offensive joke I've ever heard So I was going down on this old lady when I tasted horse semen. So I stopped and said ""Oh grandma, that's how you died"""

"I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone. Edit: Holy *shit*! This blew up!"

"When and why did the yam farmer get up? For a yam."

"The best part of the Titanic is when Rose is holding onto Jack and she's all like, 'I'll never let go' and then she lets go."

"The guy behind me at the grocery store only had energy drinks, root beer & gummie lifesavers, so I asked how far into assassins creed he was"

"The key to comedy? Perfect del ivery"