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Joke of the Day

"Hospital When checking a patient in for surgery, he said he was a mechanic. I said, ""Good, the surgeon likes that because you understand when there are parts left over."""

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"What's the difference between a canoe and a Canadian? The canoe tips."
"Just once...one time; can't we buy a tree that doesn't try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am."
"I remember back in the day when you had to roll up a tiny scroll and give it to a falcon to tweet"
"What is a physicist's favourite food? Fission chips."
"In response to the ""How do you starve a black person"" joke. I like my coffee like I like my slaves. Free, you racist son-of-a-bitch!"
"Why can't blind people bungee jump? Because it scares the fuck out of the dogs."
"Anyone have a good birthday joke? My sister's birthday is today, and I'm looking for a good one to call her with."
"What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common? Every night they pop open a cold one."
"Hey smoke detectors, feel free to use that last bit of battery life to continue monitoring fires instead of getting all beepy."