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Joke of the Day

"Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz ? It saves so much time."

"40% of Americans over 60 believe... ... that they were at Woodstock."

"How do you turn a duck into a R&B Soul artist? Put it in the oven until it's Bill Withers."

"MY DATE WHO IS A SQUID: What movie should we see? ME, SECRETLY TRYING TO HARVEST HER INK: Something super scary *I empty my popcorn bucket*"

"Why did the spreadsheets get divorced? They just couldn't sort things out."

"How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh.....it's fine. Forget about it. Seriously don't worry about it. I'm fine sitting here in the dark."

"What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs? A condescending con descending"

"I bought an extension ladder from a recovering alcoholic on Craigslist... But it only has 12 Steps!"

"So 3 mods and a user walk into a bar [deleted]"

"Why is the sport of cricket called cricket? A: **Because it's boring.** *Was told this by a 10 year old, and didn't quite get it at first, but I think it's rather genius.*"