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Joke of the Day

"My daughter kept begging me to get her a new toy, so I went to a store and got a bunch of lego for her To this day, I am surprised that the store accepts kids as payment"

"Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread. (my wife tells this joke to everyone and no one but me has ever laughed)"

"Oh nothing, just editing this agreement. And by editing, I mean writing ""ool J"" after every mention of an LLC."

"Do you know what's the best thing about necrophilia? You don't have to bring flowers... Usually they're already there."

"[trust fall exercise at work] CW: *closes eyes, falls, hits floor* OUCH! WTF?! YOU DIDN'T CATCH ME! M: Sorry, I thought it was optional."

"Why does Waldo wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted"

"You can read his mind in his face. Yes it's usually a complete blank."

"I painted my computer black so it would run faster. Now it doesn't work. Then I painted my computer white so it would work. Now the whole system is corrupt."

"If you've seen one shopping center... you've seen the mall."

"Jesus christ, guys! Can we stop arguing about politics for ONE second and change subject to something more lighthearted? So what are your guys' thoughts on abortion?"