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Joke of the Day

"What did the lawyer say to the sovereign citizen when asked for legal counsel? **Am I being retained?** **Am I being retained?**"

"Idea: Netflix, but for pancakes. Or Blockbuster By Mail for pancakes. Even Omaha Steaks for pancak...look, my point is: mail-order pancakes."

"What is Martin Luther King's least favorite Christmas song? I'm dreamin' of a white Christmas"

"The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself ""This changes everything."""

"Entering Area 51 US soldier: - Sir, this is secret teritory and you don't have permission to... - me - Where the fuck are you running, Pikachu?!"

"I can never tell if a mother duck is being dutifully followed by her ducklings or chased by a gang of young duck criminals."

"Man to wife: Business is bad, if YOU learn TO cook we can remove servant. Wife: If YOU learn how to fuck we can remove driver, gardener & watchman..."

"Why did the phosphorus atom go to the fortune teller? To find out his phos-fate!"

"Ever since i started wearing camo all the time... My girlfriend said she can't see me anymore."

"what do you call a Canadian alien? ehh lmao"