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Joke of the Day

"Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment? A mental hospital."

"Why did god invent the yeast infection? So women would know what it's like living with an irritating cunt."

"Chuck Norris can squeeze blood from a stone. He must feed his children."

"Redditor and the Hooker . . . you won't *BELIEVE* what she told him! Keep the LPTs and give me my sixty dollars."

"Missed Connection: You were attractive. I awkwardly overreacted to your presence."

"What's big, green, has four legs and if it falls out of a tree it can kill you? A pool table."

"What kind of smartphone would Harambe have? The brand doesn't matter as long as it has gorilla glass."

"""Daddy, where do babies come from?"" Show him Edna.. [mum stops slicing carrots] *starts violently gagging until a baby slides out her mouth*"

"Enrage the one you love today with a calm, rational explanation."

"Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?"