192956

Joke of the Day

"You can spray tan a baby if you want to, it's not illegal."

"Why are men smarter than women? Because two heads are better than one."

"""just great, I've lost my house my wife is leaving and my kids hate me how can this day get any worse"" -A dinosaur, 66 million years ago"

"I want my girlfriend to be a 10. Woops, bad typo, I didn't mean to put that ""a"" in the title"

"""Honey, can you bring me a roll of toilet paper?"" Toilet paper- ""I have a boyfriend"""

"[describing criminal to sketch artist] No, he could speak more languages than that. He had racist shoulders. His front teeth were impatient."

"I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said -Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?- -Yes officer but I wasn't going to be out that long.-"

"What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection... A cracker with cheese."

"Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK."

"To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty."