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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a blood-thirsty optometrist? Macula."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Oh you don't know? Never mind. You wouldn't get it."

"Heard of The Gay Martini? they're pretty strong. You drink just one and you can't see straight."

"Thank you Lady GaGa for making meat suits popular again...Just pulled mine out of the closet... Still fits after all these years."

"My dentist told me I have to stop masturbating. I said, ""Why?"" He said, ""Because I'm trying to work on your teeth!"""

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years.... I don't have 2020 vision."

"Ive decided to run a marathon for charity I didn't want to do it at first, but apparently it's for blind and disabled kids so I think I've got a good chance of winning."

"[almost at the moon] Buzz: *explosive diarrhea* DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE TANG, ARMSTRONG? Neil: *steals speech out of his pocket* nope"

"Managed to scare off my prison pen pal. Crazy doesn't even begin to cover what's wrong with me."

"Not to brag but I have approximately 5000 compact discs I haven't listened to since 2003 that are preventing me from moving on with my life."