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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years.... I don't have 2020 vision."

"I just saw the Assassins Creed Movie Trailer... I did not expect The Spanish Inquisition."

"(real news) In Virginia, a man stole a samurai sword from a store by hiding it in his pants. He later denied having the sword, telling police he *was* just glad to see them."

"Netflix and Chill or ... Redtube and Lube "

"How did I escape Iraq? Iran."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! C's ! C's who ? C's the day !"

"ME to BF: ""We need to talk about the future."" BF: ""what about it,you wanna talk about flying cars and robots and stuff?"""

"Did you hear about the stupid snake? He lost his skin."

"PMS: I'm sorry. ME: Why? It's a good day. PMS: Wait for it. ME: [2 secs later] DID MY PARENTS REALLY TAKE MY DOG TO A FARM WHEN I WAS 5?!"

"What did the Buddhist monk say when he approached the hotdog stand? Make me one with everything."