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Joke of the Day

"""Where's Waldo?"" books become more thrilling if you think ""Okay... Waldo's my brother and he's off his meds and will die if I don't find him."""

"I was trying to teach my dog to dance. But he has two left feet."

"Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? *She ran away from the ball.*"

"(New version) How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three, one to genetically engineer people small enough to fit in a light bulb, and two to do the rest."

"I hope to one day ride in a crowded elevator and make knowing eye contact with the man sent to kill me."

"Dear karma: perhaps we could be partners? You're doing great work, but I've identified a bunch of people you've overlooked."

"It only takes a few seconds to express our true feelings. Unfortunately police call it murder."

"THE XBOX IS BEING ATTACKED! Here Comes The Ambulance Wii U Wii U Wii U"

"I just want the confidence of my grandpa in church taking a call from the pharmacy on speaker phone to confirm his Viagra prescription."

"How do you stir up the politics in a Coca Cola drink? You add ices."