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Joke of the Day

"Him- All of your fantasies include me, right? *imagines flying on a Pegasus with Thor* H- Are you waving at the ground? Me-Yes to both"

"You want to know a ironic statement? My mom was a cancer and she was killed by a giant crab."

"mens rights activists"

"How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side."

"3 guys walk into a bar you would think one of them would have seen it."

"What is the unit of power? Yes"

"I put a load in the dishwasher She swallowed."

"What's someone who hates underwear's favorite song? Free Ballin - Foo Fighters"

"SCIENTIST: The universe is a big mess of molecules bumping into each other. ME: I like when pizza molecules bump into my mouth molecules."

"Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon? Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs."