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Joke of the Day

"What is a ghost boxer called? A phantomweight."

"SNL contacted me about being a writer, and I was like ""Pfft. I got my own gig"" and they were like ""BEEP BEEP BEEP"" because my alarm went off"

"[seaworld] ""Hey what happened to the new guy?"" -He tried to have sex with the dolphin in tank 6 ""But there's a shark in tan.."" -BINGO!"

"Have fun, but be careful. Your sister was vacuumed up last week, and yesterday your cousin was killed with a shoe. - spider moms, probably"

"I own a gossipy parrot... which really says a lot about me."

"What is Hitler's least favourite Christmas song? All I Want From Christmas Is Jew"

"""Can I get 2 boxes of Sudafed?"" ""Sorry, by law you can only buy one at a time."" ""Okay then just the one box of Sudafed and these 7 guns."""

"At first I thought maybe HBO had another vampire show. Then I realized that's just what Steve Buscemi really looks like."

"A stampede of homeless people was heading to the local shelter. One might say they were bum rushed."

"My girlfriend and I could never agree on holidays... I wanted to fly to exotic places and stay in luxurious five-star hotels. And she wanted to come with me."