28852

Joke of the Day

"SNL contacted me about being a writer, and I was like ""Pfft. I got my own gig"" and they were like ""BEEP BEEP BEEP"" because my alarm went off"

"What is the Blood Alcohol Concentration that makes most people avoid main roads? Backstreets BAC"

"Wife: Did you want to go to Comic Con? Me: *Google searches 'Is Emilia Clarke going to be on the Game of Thrones panel at Comic Con'* ""No"""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Abe ! Abe who ? Abe C D E F G H... !"

"What's the strongest color? Super Cyan"

"How could the dolphin afford to buy a house ? He prawned everything !"

"I tried exercise but I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous."

"Do you know any good water jokes? Well?"

"[Dr.] ""Your blood is 40% cheese, if you eat ANY more you'll die"" *slowly raises piece of cheese to mouth* ""Don't do it"" *eats cheese* *dies*"

"Are you spectacularly unfunny? But have heard the way funny people talk? Ever considered a career in morning radio?"