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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I could never agree on holidays... I wanted to fly to exotic places and stay in luxurious five-star hotels. And she wanted to come with me."

"TIFU And by I, I mean Ellen Pao."

"Rupert Murdoch today said that he was very touched, by all the messages left on Amy Winehouses' phone."

"I like to whisper my questions to the Librarian so they can ask me to speak louder"

"Toddler misbehaves, but follows it up with throwing his hands in the air and yelling ""Ta-da!"" so he won't get in trouble. Stealing it."

"The #1 rule of being a successful shirt: Always Be Clothing."

"Silly Rabbit, Trix are for a culture of entitled white American children who are systematically fed a diet of high fructose corn syrup."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? Many think it be 'r' but in fact it be the 'c'"

"I like my women how I like my rum. Dark and full of coke."

"Did you hear about the idiot who filled out an employment application? In the blank labeled ""Church Preference"" he filled in: Red brick."