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Joke of the Day

"In Dublin, a very nervous Liam brings his girlfriend to meet his father for the first time. Liam (to father): This is Amanda Father: A fooking WHAT!?"

"GF: I think I'm gunna start a Twitter account Me: *whips head around* I'll help you set it up! *Grabs GF's phone and hurls it into the Sun*"

"ME: [at a party] hey! wanna come back to my place and- GIRL: hook up? sure! ME: [sadly putting away two Yu-Gi-Oh! decks] oh. awesome"

"What did Vladimir name his member? Put-in. (In a Russian accent)"

"What kind of Lettuce do serve on the Titanic? Iceberg Lettuce! :D"

"What do you do when you stumble upon a one-armed Polish man stuck in a tree? You wave!"

"North Korean civilians have been playing the Hunger Games since the 1950s."

"Lassie runs up to Farmer Fred *Bark!* What is it Lassie? *Bark! Bark bark!* What's that girl? Timmy fell down a well! *Bark! Bark bark woof!* Right! I'll say you were here with me the whole time."

"Just saw a boneless KFC commercial followed by an ad for apple flavored beer. Anyone remember when adults didn't act like five year olds?"

"What is an astronaut's favorite key on the keyboard? The space bar."