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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to create a social network called ""Selfies And Drama"" also known as ""S.A.D."" @MaleHonesty86"

"I had sex with this girl for 1 hour and 45 seconds last night.... Thanks daylight savings."

"What do you call someone who specializes in trains? A trained professional"

"How do you make a woman drive in a circle? Take away her rights."

"Did you hear about the scarecrow that won the award? He was out standing in his field."

"A Pixar movie about Marlin trying to put his son through fish college called Funding Nemo."

"a 3 year old daughter * her - will i have a baby in my belly some day? * her dad - if u want to.. * her - no, that place is for candies"

"My friend committed suicide by taking 50 Tylenol. I don't know why he did that. He could have just taken 4 Aleve."

"Welcome to Ulterior Motors where our goal is to sell you a car and definitely not anything else"

"[Morning after wedding] *dead husband lies on bed* PRAYING MANTIS: [On phone] Mom *sobs* it happened again MOM: Ok hurry up and eat his body"