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Joke of the Day

"The cemetery by my house is soo popular... ...people are dying to get in."

"You kick one baby and everyone's like ""That's not a football"" and ""He's not breathing, call 911."" Draaaaaama."

"Sometimes when my cat is sitting on a chair, I sneak up, shake the chair hard, yelling, ""EARTHQUAKE!"" Sadly, like many, she's not prepared"

"Last night I had a dream that I wrote the Lord of the Rings. When I woke up my wife said I had been Tolkien in my sleep..."

"Relationship status: my period comes more often than I do."

"""Your majesty, we've searched far for him."" ""Did you search wide?"" ""No."" ""Yeah, you better do that."""

"I swear babe, I'm a virgin, it must be a miracle. *Joseph rolls eyes"

"Andreas Lubitz. Is the first German pilot to record 150 kills in 70 years."

"Yesterday while I was talking with my girlfriend about Ebola, I asked her what she would do if I had Ebola... ""Ebola what, Cheerios?"" Best joke she's ever told"

"Its thanksgiving, and I am thankful for my dog, my boobies, and my life. Happy thanksgiving to you and your boobies."