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Joke of the Day

"Last night I had a dream that I wrote the Lord of the Rings. When I woke up my wife said I had been Tolkien in my sleep..."

"What do you give an injured alligator? Gatorade"

"Hello, pest control? Yes, I have these noisy little critters. They got into the snacks, made a mess of the place and keep calling me mom."

"Well, I'm going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it."

"Never vote for a tunnel-digging politician Because he's probably just another burrowcrat."

"Why was the man selling CDs at 12:30 a.m.? Because his mixtape was to die for..."

"What kind of dog doesn't do well in hot weather? A faint Bernard!"

"Behavioral studies show that those who use a lot of swear words tend to be more honest. That's what I've been trying to fcuking tell you!"

"I ate too much bread at the Indian restaurant during lunch today. It was a naan issue."

"What did the German physicist use to drink his beer? Ein stein. - From Big Nate, as told by my kid."