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Joke of the Day

"""This is why I hate fancy restaurants, I can never pronounce anything on the menu"" -me, drunk, holding the Waffle House menu upside down"

"There's only two kinds of people in this world: people who know how to use conjunctions, but people who don't."

"Ah Toronto, the only city where the leaves fall in autumn... ...and the Leafs fall in the spring"

"A girl told me that I have a really strong tongue today. It was my dentist holding my tongue back as the other one was filling a cavity."

"Thanks to whoever invented the mute button, because I can poop while on a conference call."

"How many meateaters does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they would rather stay in the dark"

"What car do dogs drive? A Doge charger"

"I think we're looking at the NSA spying thing the wrong way, there are potential positives. Soon if you forget your email password you'll be able to ring the CIA and they'll remind you."

"I'm not saying I've let my house get filthy, but this is the second time I've caught my new Roomba trying to mail itself back to the factory"

"What color is the wind? Son: ""What color is the wind?"" Mom: ""The wind is the wind, it had no color. It's transparent"" Dad: ""The wind is blue"" Mom: ""Blue? How so?"" Dad: ""Because the wind blew"""