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Joke of the Day

"When writing science fiction, always Google your made-up planet name; 9 times out of 10, it's an existing yeast infection medication."

"I'm reading this amazing novel called ""Dictionary"", I'm only halfway through but I'm pretty sure the Zebra did it...."

"What do you call an insane nocturnal blood-sucking parasite? A lunartick."

"Good jokes What did the doctor say to the airplane that has canser? It's terminal."

"Why are sharts always a surprise? Because you can never see that shit coming."

"""Oh, we're going for a 30 second car ride? OK, let me gather all of my worldly possessions and get a little naked."" - my 2 year old"

"ME: *fumbling with bra* sorry im usually good at this HER: its...fine ME: *successfully gets bra off* there we go, now you take off yours"

"Why don't you get back in your little car with lights and pull over someone who cares."

"What goes 'clippidy clop bang bang clippidy clop'? An Amish drive-by."

"I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It's true. After going to the gym earlier I've decided I'm never going again."