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Joke of the Day

"[interview] THEM: what would you say if i gave you money from the register and told you to keep it? ME: thank you."

"A masochist asks a sadist ""Please hurt me."" ""No,"" replies the sadist."

"Anytime a religious organization follows me I just assume I'm being used as a case study/example and they are praying super hard."

"Sorry I said you looked like black Garfield in your Catwoman costume."

"Americans should be asking Santa for better presidential candidates and nothing else."

"What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll."

"Where do galaxies go to college? University! Happy 1st day back to school to many of you :)"

"Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake. Woohoo! I'm making these up!!"

"How does a painter support their art in this economy? Easel-y"

"How are babies different from feminists? Babies grow up and stop crying."